Infertility and Me

Today was completely uneventful.  It’s only the first day of our waiting, and it already sucks!!  Jess has an appointment next Monday for blood work, and then the big Beta test is next Friday 3/19/10.  We will both probably be completely insane by then, but I’m guessing we will get through it one piece.  I’ve read countless blogs, and websites, about the two week wait.  It seems as though most people feel the exact same as we do.  Every little cramp or pain gets both of our attentions.  Luckily for us, the two week wait is counted from the date of egg retrieval.  We technically have an 11 day wait.  We got a couple day pass!!

Jess pretty much felt like crap all day, and slept through most of it.  I am still in a bit pain, but am moving around a heck of a lot more than I was two days ago.  The whole “both of us” having surgery within 1 day of each other is probably not the best idea.  I do however realize it was our only option.  I would caution anyone else who has the option, to not do it.  I know for a fact we would have never made it through the weekend if our house mommy (Lori) wasn’t here.  As for the last couple days, were making it by, but only by the skin of our teeth!!!  I know this will all be worth it end. 

Jess’ Meds of the day – Estrace, PIO IM shot

Kenny’s Meds of the day – Percocet (little bit less every day!!)

Today was our day 3 cell stage transfer.  We were hoping for a 5 day blast transfer, but the embryologist said there are 2 perfect embabies she wants to transfer today.  Who am I to argue with that!!!!  Jess left work early, and we headed on up to the docs office around 1pm.

Above is the transfer report showing awesome numbers for our two embabies!!!  Our embryologist explained it, and then gave us a picture of our embabies.  Se said that  the 2 embryos to be implanted looked great!!    They were both greater than 8 cells and had started to compact.  She assured us that these two were great, and what you would call and embryologists dream!!  After they went over the paperwork, they dressed me in scrubs and ushered us into the operating room.  The actual transfer procedure was all of about 2 minutes.  The rest of the time was filled with them preparing her and the embryos for transfer.  We spent the next half hour in the recovery area with Jess in the  Trendelenburg position. (I never knew there was a name for it either!!)  After they were comfortable with her leaving, we hopped in the car and headed home.  They put Jess on bed rest for today and tomorrow.  Strict instructions to only get up to eat and go potty.  This makes for interesting combination of bed rest and useless surgery guy!!  We are managing, and I will live.  I’m starting to feel better every day!! 

Aren’t they pretty?  I think they have my eyes, but Jess swears that they have her smile!!!  Let’s just hope they are feeling extra sticky!!  For now we are going by the PUPO acronym.  We are Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!!!  We Need lots of sticky dust!!

Jess’ Meds for the day – Last doses of Medrol, and Ciproflaxcin.   Diazepam for Embryo transfer. Begin Estrace 2 times per day.  Continue PIO IM injection.  GET REST!!

Kenny’s Meds for the day – Percocet (TAKE CARE OF JESSI!!!!!)

Waiting!!  That is the theme of the day.  There is nothing we can do to make anything different now.  The wheels are in motion, and we have no control in the direction they move.  It’s a great feeling of anxiety blanketed with a little bit of comfort.  The comforting feeling is because we  have moved past our major hump.  We have never been this far along, and the new path is confusing, but exciting.  The excitement is scary.  Scary, because of of the feelings we have invested in our little embabies!  They are only a couple days old, but we love each and every one of them like they are our children.  Only time will tell what our outcome will be, but everyday that goes by is another step toward the goal. We will have many more answers tomorrow.  Please pray for our little embabies!!

In regards to our physical health, we are both getting a little bit better day by day.  I’m still pretty sore, and still moving very slowly.  Jess still has some pretty bad tummy pain from the retrieval, but the PIO shot went a bit better tonight.  She gave me B- for todays shot, so I guess I learned from yesterdays mistakes.

Jess’ Meds for the day – Medrol, Ciproflaxcin, PIO IM injection

Kenny’s Meds for the day – last dose of Erythromicin, Percocet

ICSI

I am completely overwhelmed with the results of my surgery, Jess’ retrieval, and subsequent fertilization.  To bring everyone up to date, Jess had 13 eggs retrieved.  10 were fertilized with my sperm (ICSI).  Yep, MY SPERM!!!!!!  The embryologist said 7 of the 10 look great.  There are 3 lagging a bit behind.  So currently, we have 10 Embabies!! 

A week ago I couldn’t even fathom any of these embryos not being from our donor sperm.  The miracle performed by my urologist is nothing short of amazing!!  Jess and I are still in a sense of disbelief. After all the months of mental preparation for donor, the idea of sperm from me seems silly.  I guess it’s something the both of us need to get used to.  All I can think of is “Grow Embabies, Grow!!!!”  Please pray for our Embabies!!

Now that we are passed the stimulation stage, we begin a whole new set of shots. (That I get to administer )

Jess begins her intramuscular (IM) Progesterone In Oil (PIO) shots tonight.  We never got this far last cycle, so this is all new to us.  The intramuscular shot is a much longer needle, and is administered in her hip.

As you can see in the picture above, Jess’ docs office were kind a enought to draw circles on her rear, in sharpie marker, so that we don’t screw up!!  (Toy Story Band-Aids Rule!!!)  Jess gave me a C on my performance with the shot tonight.  I’m guessing it’s not too bad of a grade for my first time.  I was really hoping for a B-, but at least I didn’t fail!!  The shot itself, did not hurt Jess at all.  Her major complaint was the area being sore after when I was massaging it.  We read all over the internet, that massaging it right after the shot, helped spread the oil out, and reduces the pain.  Either I didn’t do it right, or it is a crock!!!! 

Meds For Jess – Ciproflaxcin, Medrol, and IM PIO Shot

Meds For Kenny – Erythromycin, Percocet

Let me start off by saying, I had probably the worst night of sleep I’ve had in about ten years.  I woke up Jess multiple times in need of my pain meds.  I felt so bad every time I woke her up, because I just wanted her to get a good night sleep for her egg retrieval today.  I’m not too sure why, but I was in a little more pain this time around than last.  The only thing I can chalk it up to is that my doc, as he said “Took ALOT!” out of me. 

We all got up at 7am and Jess and Lori got ready to head out.  I didn’t make the trip with them for the egg retrieval, because there is no way I would be able to sit there for that long.  I’m still hurtin’ pretty bad.  The 2 of them set me up on the couch and then headed out.  About ten minutes after they left, the phone here rang.  The caller ID showed me that it was her docs calling.  I knew they would be calling this morning, because we never received a call yesterday about the results of my sperm retrieval (Long story, but someone dropped the ball on that one!)  The lady on the phone introduced herself as Jess’ embryologist.  My stomach starting turning, and all I wanted to say to her was that maybe she should call Jess.  I bunkered down and basically told her to let me have it!  I was ready for the result, I prepared myself for this for months.  The donor sperm was in place, and the result of no sperm would not be news to me!!  Of course I would be a little disappointed, but nowhere near as devastated as I was a year ago.  The next words from the embryologist hit me like a brick right upside my head.  Confusion spread throughout my body and I could feel the tears welling up inside.  I was not ready for this.  I didn’t even know what to say.  I can’t remember exactly what she said, but all I know is that they found sperm.  Not only did they find sperm, but it was of good enough quality to use for ICSI, and there was enough to pick from.  She explained to me the reason they didn’t call yesterday was that while they had found sperm, none were motile last night.  They let them sit overnight and voila, we have motile sperm.  I immediately began to panic, and needed to get a hold of Jess.  The months of preparation for donor, all came crashing down in seconds, and I wasn’t prepared to allow myself  hope again.  I’m still not!  This could all end with devastation again, and it would definitely hurt just as much as the first time I found out that I had no sperm.

My phone call to Jess was awkward, and she could tell by my voice something was wrong.  I gave her the news, and neither of us had anything to say.  I kept repeating to her that i had wish they called her instead of me.  I’m not sure why I wanted this, but I’m thinking it wouldn’t be real if it happened that way.  There wasn’t any discussion, I just told her to talk to the embryologist when she got there.  I waited a little over an hour, and I finally got the call from Lori to let me know they took her in.

Lori explained to me the conversation they had with the embryologist, and what they were going to do.  They are going to use whatever sperm they can from me to fertilize as many eggs as they can first.  The embryologist also stated she wasn’t finished looking through my specimen, so there could be more.  If there are leftover eggs, they will fertilize them with our donor backup “Kurt”!  The fertilized eggs will be stored separately.  We will know much more, tomorrow morning.  There still is the possibility that they won’t be able to use any of mine, so we are not getting our hopes too high!!   All we know for now is they retrieved 13 eggs.  Funny thing is, 13 is my lucky number!!!

When Jess and Lori got home,  Jess was still a little groggy, and we all decided to take a nap!!!  There is nothing more we can do tonight but wait.  Here’s a crude illustration of what is to occur tonight at the lab!!

Jess’ symptoms of the day – she is in a pretty good deal of pain, as to be expected after an egg retrieval.  The bloating is worse, and she is complaining she has back pain. We are currently on a urine watch, because she is not going enough!!!  Lori called the doc, and she said that if Jess doesn’t void enough by 7pm, that we have to go to the ER for her to get catheterized.  Let’s pray for pee!!  I’ll update later with our pee results!!!!!

Jess’ Medications – Ciproflaxin, Medrol, Percocet

Kenny’s Meds – Erythromycin, Perocet

We all got up at the butt crack of dawn.  Her cousin Lori and I headed out first.  We were on the road at 4:45am en route to the slice and dice!!  Jess was able to get up a little bit later, because she had to go get blood work done at 7am.  This is the same time my surgery began, hence my trip with her cousin.  The whole morning went pretty much without a hitch.  I met with my doc and the anesthesiologist, and the rest is a bit blurry!! 

I woke up in recovery with Jess there.  She said the first words out of my mouth were her name in a raspy voice, then me saying, quite loudly may I add, “Did They Get The Stuff?” , “Where’s Lori?”  This was followed by me passing back out in a demerol and morphine stuper.  The next thing I remember is being  wheeled to the second recovery room, meeting up with Jess, and shoving a bagel down my throat!!  For some reason when I come out from anesthesia, I’m always starving!!!!! She gave me the details from the doc as well letting me know that sperm runner (Lori) had completed her mission!!  My doc told her he took  “ALOT” out, as this would be my last try for sperm retrieval.  I’m assuming that is why I’m in a pretty decent amount of pain!! 

For those of you who wonder what they put in the little brown bag of goodness, and what it looks like after the TESE procedure, you can thank Lori.  She snapped a shot of it before she dropped it off!!

We got out of the hospital as soon as they would let me go.  Lori had already made it home and was waiting for us to return.  When we got home, I passed out, and slept till about 4pm.  Our house mommy made us dinner (Chicken Marsala, Yummm!!), and we just sat, and watched some TV.  We are all turning in early tonight.  Tomorrow is Jess’ big day.  I’m probably not going to be able to make it there, but she ’s got Lori, and I’ll be there in spirit. Lets hope the Easter Bunny comes bearing a basket full of eggs!!

Jess’ symptoms of the day – While still feeling like crap, she is happy to have night off injections.  I’m attributing all her tummy pain to her baseball size ovaries!!  She’s still in good spirits, and focused on the goal!!

No Meds for Jess – Painkillers and Antibiotics for Kenny

What a day!!  It was a race from start till now.  I began the day with a call from Jess, who was a bit frantic about our Cetrotide delivery (which by the way is about 2 days to late!!).  I ‘m not going to even get into our dumb insurance company and their stupid rules.  All I have to say is thank you to IVFNJ for providing us with meds we needed free of charge.  The delivery of Cetrotide we got today, is going to be donated back to them to replenish their donor stock. 

The next disaster of the day was trying to get a appointment with my primary for my medical clearance for my surgery.  Jess, got real close to full panic mode, and probably used all her cell phone minutes for month, and it’s only the 3rd!!  The receptionist was really nasty and short with Jess.  After a brief but nasty exchange, she finally got me an appointment and got all the paperwork faxed for me to bring.  Apparently, I am as healthy as a horse (so says my doc)!  I got my medical clearance and headed home to wait for things to come together.  Unfortunately they never did.  Jess’ docs did their part.  My doc dropped the ball.  We didn’t find out for sure until about 5pm, after about 500 phone calls.  They finally let us know that my surgery was on for tomorrow, and what time I am scheduled for. I’m getting the old Slice and Dice at 7am, wish me luck!!

With that behind us, lets move to tonight. Our house mommy/savior arrived safely.  Jess’ cousin Lori came form Pennsylvania to help us out for the next couple days.  For one, I need someone to come with me to surgery in the morning, because Jess has to get her blood test and ultrasound at the same time.  We also need a runner for my baby batter, once it is extracted.  I have to go to recovery after my surgery, and the goods need to be delivered ASAP.  Jess is going to shoot up to Hackensack to meet up with us as soon as she gets out of the docs office.  Lori is going to run the goods to Somerset, and Jess is going to wait with me until I get released from the hospital.  None of this would work without Lori’s help.  And for that, I have to thank her!  Lori, you win best cousin of the year for that one!!  Love You!!!!!!

 We will be doing the hCG trigger shot for Jess tonight at 10pm.  This puts her for her egg retreival at 10am on Friday.   My retreival is set for 7am tommorow.  Let’s hope everything works out!! 

Jess’ symptoms for the night – she generally feels ok, slight headache, but in good spirits.  Tummy is the same, but it must be nice to only have one shot to do tonight.  She will probably feel like she is in heaven tomorrow, when there are no shots to do!!!!  Now is the time for everyone to cross their fingers and their toes!!  We need all the help we can get!!

Today’s Meds – Jess’ Injections – hCG shot to trigger ovulation

Today consisted of me running to Hackensack for blood work, and then what I thought would be me running all over Gods creation in order to get pre-op tests complete.  Didn’t quite turn out that way!  I did get my blood test, but my primary won’t  see me until I get the results for it.  It’s not that big of deal, it’s just cutting it real close.  When Jess spoke to her doc this afternoon, she hinted towards the idea of all the procedures happening on Thursday and Friday.  She had a different outlook in the morning, but after she saw the results of the blood test, she was pretty sure we would do the trigger (HCG) shot tomorrow.

Jess results from this mornings ultrasound and blood test were – E2 level of 1958, still 11 follicles, all 13- 15 in size.  They did say that they are a bunch more little ones.  

Jess’ symptoms of the day -   The headache has still not reappeared!  She still has the same tummy pains and sick feeling. Bloating gets worse by the day, as well as soreness from the Tummy shots.  She’s still tired, but is overall good spirits!

Today’s Meds – Jess’ Injections – Menopur (2 vial and 1/2 cc diluent), Follistim (375 Units) and Cetrotide (.25mg)

What began as an uneventful day turned out to “slightly” piss me off!! (Ok, slightly is an understatement, but I am going to keep my cool!)  Everything was quiet and cool all day. Jess had a little bit of a rough morning at work but she powered through it and took it like a champ.  The day was going good until around noon.  The first major annoyance of the day began when I got a phone call from Jess regarding our Cetrotide refill that we were waiting for.  We refilled our meds a couple days ago and Jess picked them up on Saturday.  She got all the meds except for the Cetrotide.  The pharmacy had called on Friday and Saturday to let us know insurance had still not approved the refill.  Jess called them today and the refill still wasn’t approved.  They said the insurance company had some questions for the doc as to why we needed the meds. Now normally I wouldn’t really care about something like this, but our last box of Cetrotide will be used tonight, and this is the med that prevents ovulation. We need to have it ASAP!!  I got to the point where I didn’t really care about the insurance company anymore.  I am going to pick the meds up tomorrow regardless of the insurance companies determination.  It’s about $500, but I will fight the insurance another day.  This is way to important to screw around and ruin the cycle because of red tape!!

This prescription problem was compounded by a call around 4pm by my urologists secretary. She called to let me know that the anesthesiologists for my surgery were looking for my pre-admission test results as well as clearance from my primary saying I am ok for surgery. Now, In a normal timeline I wouldn’t blink an eye at this request. Considering I am scheduled for surgery in the next three days, I am freaking out, and pretty pissed.  Nothing like waiting till the last minute to wrap things up!!  About a hundred phone calls and 2 hours later (I am in debt for Jess for this, she took the bull by the horns!), I am scheduled to get to Hackensack tomorrow for pre admission tests (which is an hour away), and have an appt. on Wednesday to see my primary for clearance. 

The whole Wednesday appointment is cutting it a little close.  Jess has her RE appointment in the morning for her ultrasound and blood test.  I’m leaning towards them putting her on her meds for 1 more day, and then doing the HCG shot.  This would put my Surgery for Thursday and all would be good!!  The problem is, she could go in tomorrow, and they could possibly want the HCG tomorrow.  If I don’t have clearance from my primary tomorrow, surgery is a no go for the next day!!!!!!  We can’t let this happen!!!   We have come this far, and we aren’t going to let it end like this!  Jess is going to raise hell tomorrow morning, and promises I will have an appointment with my primary ASAP.  I know for a fact that she will be able to do it!!  When she gets her mind set on something, nothing can stop her!!!  Hopefully tomorrow will be filled with me driving all over Gods creation getting the tests and clearances I need!!  I haven’t come this far to throw it all in the toilet over a stupid technicality!! 

Now that I have finished my rant, lets get on to Jess’ symptoms for the day – The headache has still not reappeared (thank the lord!!).  She still has the same tummy pains and sick feeling.  It seems as though she is much more tired than before (It’s only 10pm and she’s in bed, I’m wide awake, which is why I’m writing!)  The bloating is getting worse, and her tummy is starting bruise from all the shots.  She is taking all of this like a champ, and has her eyes set on the goal!!  Hopefully all will work out tomorrow, and things will come together for the end of the week.  We need all your prayers and crossed fingers!! 

Today’s Meds – Jess’ Injections – Menopur (2 vial and 1/2 cc diluent), Follistim (375 Units) and Cetrotide (.25mg)

I got home from work at 7am this morning.  After a brief wake up period for Jess and my sidekick, we hopped in the car and headed out for a wonderful date to the docs office.  Unfortunately the local office is not open on Sundays, so we had to trek on over to the main office in Somerset.  Jess got her blood work and ultrasound.  She had 5 measurable follicles on the left all between 9 – 14, and 6 measurable follicles on the right all between 10 – 14.  This brings us to a total of 11 measurable (all still a little small) follicles.   There was a bunch more smaller (not measurable) ones as well.  The doc had said to Jess that she responded slow in the beginning,  but that she is catching up now.  CD9 from last cycle had only 9 measurable follicles and an E2 level of 1281, so i think we are ahead of the game.  Before we left the docs office, we were presented with our little brown bag of baby making goodness!

The picture above is the crude container given to us by the docs office, of sperm media.  This is what my doc will fill with whatever they slice and dice off of me.  If I remember correctly from last time, it just has some test tubes with fluid in a styrofoam holder. It has to be refrigerated until my surgery day.  Not too sure why they staple it, I guess they don’t want someone to accidentally mistaken it for a bagged lunch.  That would make for interesting workplace conversation!! You would think with the technology that is around now, they would put it in a much cooler container.  Oh well, I kind dig the old school vibe!!

This bag is a symbol that we are about to turn the corner.  It is all becoming real now.  I’m still not too sure what day this is all going to kick off, but I’m leaning towards Thursday.  Jess’ doc called with blood test results, and instructions for meds. Her E2 level is 901.  They are keeping her the same with the meds.  What I was was surprised about, was that usually at this point in the cycle, Jess would begin going everyday for her blood work and ultrasound.  The doc said no and to come back Tuesday.  I’m assuming that since they are not going to see her until Tuesday, that she won’t have her HCG shot till Wednesday.  This would put my Surgery for Thursday and her retrieval for Friday. 

Jess’ symptoms for the day – I’m going to try something new here.   Here is a quote directly from Jess herself, as I am writing this!! “I’m Tired, have extreme bloating, abdominal pain, I’m dying, this sucks!!” (brief pause) “I don’t want to go to work tomorrow, and I can’t fit in my jeans!” (another brief pause) “It’s giving me – no, you don’t have to write that, stop, I’m going to punch my husband in the face!!”  OK, that didn’t go over well.  That is my cue to stop quoting her!!  I think I’ll stick to my interpretations from now on!  I’m going to take a little from break writing for now, I’ll jump back in and publish this after tonight’s stab fest!!

Ok, I’m back.  The shots went well, and I’m still alive!!  Nothing new to report here, same burning from the Cetrotide, and the tummy gets more and more sore every shot we do!!  Just a couple more days of this and then we will have the intramuscular shots to complain about!  That is a whole nother ball game!!

Todays Meds – Jess’ Injections – Menopur (2 vial and 1/2 cc diluent),  Follistim (375 Units) and Cetrotide (.25mg)