We made it through the holidays pretty much unscathed! There were a few FB pregnancy announcements, a couple births, and some uncomfortable family get-togethers, but all in all things went well. As I look back at 2009, I’m pretty surprised that I even made it through. As I have said before, it is probably one of the toughest years of my life. It’s always been said, that “what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger”. I believe in this, and am living proof. These tough times, while they have pushed Jess and I away from family, and friends, has only made the relationship between the 2 of us stronger. I just hope those close to us, realize, that we will not be like this forever. Our pain will go away. This might sound selfish, but right now we need to focus on ourselves, and each other. We love each and every one of you and would do anything for all of you. The healing process has already begun, and we are moving forward into the New Year.
When you think about Jan 1, resolutions come to mind. This new year I am taking time to reflect on the blessings of the past year, and also taking time to look ahead at the year to come. It’s sort of like a rebirth that allows me to let things go and start over just as a new year starts. It is time to move on! My resolutions are to let go of the pain, frustration, and sadness. Rebuild relationships with those closest to us. Become normal again!!
The new year is also going to quickly remind us of our desire to become parents. Things are going to start moving quickly. Our Docs are planning another cycle for the end of February. This one will, however, have an alternate route. In the event that the “Hail Mary” pass that Clomid has thrown, is not caught, Donor Sperm will hopefully pick up the ball and score. We have finally come to the resolve that these are our family building options, and Donor Sperm is most likely the path we will end up on. For a while, I was just ok with this. I pushed it to the side and pretended I was much happier than I actually was about it. I kept thinking that Donor Sperm was a “backup”, when in all reality, this has always been the path we were meant to take, the path that was chosen for us. With the reality of the situation, and the last year to reflect on, I have embraced this path and planned my route accordingly. There is nothing either of us can do to change the circumstances. We have to play the cards dealt to us. All I know is that I will never regret anything the last year has brought us. The failed sperm retrievals, surgery, OHSS, jabbing Jess needlessly with sharp objects, me being completely wacky on Clomid. I would never want to look back and think, what if?
I wish everyone a Happy New Year, and hope you all get everything you desire in 2010! Oh, and I almost forgot, babies for everyone in 2010!! 😉