Oct 14 2009

Still Moving Forward

The Doc isn’t giving up on me yet!!

I went to my appointment with mixed feelings.  In one hand I had a great big, heavy, smelly pile of crap (that’s my metaphor for giving up).  In the other was tiny speck of optimism.  The only thing that was running through my head was the Doc giving me the old, “There’s Nothing More I Can Do” speech.  I was pleasantly surprised when giving up on me was not on his agenda at all. 

When Jess and I first met this Doc, the first thing we told him was that we wanted him to be aggressive.  We wanted to try everything possible.  He is on board!  As for our next step, I’m not too sure.  We are currently waiting on more blood test results, and I might possibly be going on a medication route in order to try and stimulate something.  We discussed a future second biopsy, and agree that this will be our best chance to find something.  If I do end up taking the meds, it will be another 3 month wait, with lots of fun blood tests in order to regulate them.  This would put us into 2010 before Jess would start another cycle. 

Regardless of the outcome, we will be setting up another try at sperm retrieval to coincide with any IVF cycles.  We will, however, need to have a  backup for any future IVF cycles.  This brings us to the ever so fun and exciting expedition that is, sperm shopping.  Jess and I haven’t really focused on this yet.  We have only dipped our feet in the waters, and quickly pulled them out because they are way too cold.  Eventually, we are going to have dive right in.  This was the hardest thing for me to think about in the beginning.  I couldn’t come to terms with purchasing someone else’s baby batter.  I was even on the fence up until my last semenalysis.  It’s getting easier, every day,  and the more and more I think about.  Now, I didn’t come up with this one myself, but I figure that my little side-kick Keena didn’t come from either Jess or I, let alone the human species, but she is a part of our family, and we love her like a daughter (I’m a big sap when it comes to my dog).

 What I have realized is that regardless of who the sperm comes from, that I will be one changing the diapers.  I will be one the one to teach the baby how to walk and talk.  I will be the one share to all the special moments.  I will be the one to be there during the great times, and the tough times.  I will be the one there when they find their first love, and when suffer their first loss.  I will be the dad, and there isn’t anything that could take that away from me!

This is why I live by the quote on my homepage.

“Life isn’t about trying to weather the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”  -unknown

May 26 2009

A Little Confusion

Jess got a call from the IVFNJ doc today.  He was confused about the message he recieved from my doc.  My doc was trying to coordinate my varicocele repair with IVFNJ.  He wasn’t trying to get Jess on an IVF cycle, but did want to send some biopsies to IVFNJ for sperm extraction/freezing (if they find any). Her doc explained to Jess that they don’t really freeze sperm from TESE.  It has a terrible pregnancy rate, and they would not count on it as backup.  This is a small step backward, because we thought if they had found some sperm, that we could freeze it for the next round of IVF.  Regardless, I will probably have to go through another surgery for extraction.  This just moves us closer to donor backup.