Feb 15 2010

A Day To Remember

Last week was a big week for Jess and I.  Jess was already a week into BCP’s, and the IVF window was closing in on us.  I can’t remember if it was Monday or Tuesday, but whichever day it was, I’ll never forget it.

The day started like any other.  Jess was at work, and the sidekick (our furbaby Keena) and I were home getting ready for blizzard #2 in a 5 day span.  I was still quarantined home and out on workers comp from the whole MRSA debacle.  We were both aware that things were going to start ramping up in the next couple of weeks, but we weren’t ready for the phone call from the RE this soon.  We hadn’t even done our orientation yet.  Jess got the phone call and immediately her heart sunk.  The RE pushed the cycle to start much sooner than we were expecting.  They also made us aware that our donor baby batter must be there by the 19th.  This is when I got the phone call from Jess.  I immediately knew there was something wrong from the tone of her voice.  I didn’t put 2 and 2 together at first, and wondered why I could sense fear and sadness in her tone.  I realized about an hour later what the problem was.  We were still waiting for Mr. Rights’s baby batter to be released from quarantine (There was a chance that it wouldn’t happen at all, because the donor was thinking of moving out of state).  We knew we would have to make a decision someday, just not that day.  Immediately we both began to panic.  I never knew frozen sperm could cause so much anxiety. 

We were back to square one, and needed to choose a donor, and it needed to be done really fast.  I couldn’t believe it.  After all that has happened over the past couple years I figured, it would just work out this time.  As the day went on I could tell Jess’ sanity was deteriorating, just by the sound of her voice.  Every timeI spoke with her on the phone, my heart broke a little more.  We never even brought it up to each other.  I’m guessing we both just didn’t want to crack, and would discuss it in person.  Everything came to stand still when I got another phone call as Jess was leaving work. 

I answered the phone, and could hear sobbing.  I knew she was crying.  My first thought was that she had got into some kind of accident.  She continued to cry and was unable to really make out what she wanted to say.  I began to get upset and was trying to calm her down.  She finally settled down a bit and said that the sperm shop had called and left a message.  I was relieved that she was safe and sound, but began to have a deep feeling of sadness as I started coming up with my own conclusions.  The time was probably only a couple of seconds, but I was able to come up with every possible negative scenario in my head.  Things have just not gone our way lately so I was preparing myself for the next hit.  My tears began to well up, and I fought the urge to breakdown.  I wasn’t letting infertility take me down again!  Not this time!  We would figure it out, and in the worst case scenario, push the cycle off until we could come up with a decision. 

The next words that came through the phone changed everything.  I gave up fighting the tears, I couldn’t hold it in anymore.  Jess let them out mid cry.  They were unexpected, and will be cemented in my brain for the rest of my life.  These few words changed everything.  I cant remember word for word what they were but in my mind they were this, “Our Donors sperm has been released!”, this was followed by a full out cry from Jess.  It was a cry of happiness.  A cry that hasn’t happened in a very long time.  My body was filled with emotion, and I finally felt good.  I couldn’t wait for her to get home so we could finally embrace in happiness.  We did hug it out, but our focus quickly changed to ordering the baby batter.  Neither of us were willing to waste a single second, for fear that this happiness would be taken away.  Everything was ordered, and we finally were able to breathe a sigh of relief.  The only thing that was dented from this transaction was our bank account.  $3,225 down….and very little to show for it.  But we have never been happier!  🙂