Infertility and Me

The Verdict Is In!!

IT’S A GIRL!!!!!!!!!! 

This post is about week late!  I was busy nursing my wounds.  In fact, I’m still nursing my wounds.  Anyway, this whole disaster began while I was sleeping at work (yes, I am allowed to sleep at work, it’s a 24hr shift).  I woke up to an intense itching on my face, which I in turn scratched.  This was probably my downfall in the whole matter, besides not treating it for 4 days, but I’ll get to that later.  I scratched the small bump until it bled, I think.  I was sleeping, so I don’t remember much.  I woke up the next morning, thought nothing of it, and went home.  During the day it was itchy, and started breaking out so in my infinite wisdom, I declared it to be poison ivy.

Day 1

 I’m going to skim through the next 3 days, cause really they were just filled with stupidity, and me being stubborn.  Each day it got progressively worse, and Jess kept telling me I should really get it checked out.  I had already diagnosed myself with poison ivy, there was no need to go to a doctor, and get the real diagnosis.  No, that would have been smart!!  So lets  fast forward to day 4.

Day 4

 

Day 4

So day 4 began with me going back in to work looking like the above pictures.  I was still determined it was poison Ivy, and a real bad case of it too!!  I made until about lunch time when one of my bosses came in and sent me to the doc.  The first thing the doc said to me was “That’s definitely not poison ivy!”  I was defeated!  All the hours spent with Dr. Google meant nothing!!!  The doc proceeded to lecture me on treating it myself, and waiting for days to come in.  He said he could clearly see puncture wounds, and this was most likely a spider bite.  (I’m going with Brown Recluse on this one)  He ordered up some antibiotics, some steroids, and sent me on my way.  Fast forward to the next day, and you would find me in the ER, on IV antibiotics.  Turns out I had a really bad infection, which later would be told to me, that it was MRSA.

4 more doctor visits, extra antibiotics, and a bunch of shifts away from work, I am still nursing this wound on my face.  I go back to the doc on Monday, and if this thing on my face heals over the weekend, I should be cleared to work.

The moral of the story is, Always Listen To Your Wife, Even When You Think That She Is Wrong.  I really wanted to be Spiderman, but I guess the real Spiderman would have been immune to MRSA!!

I really hope this clears up soon, we have a lot of big things on the horizon.  I have a whole bunch of News to write about!!!!  I’ll be posting soon!!!

We made it through the holidays pretty much unscathed!  There were a few FB pregnancy announcements, a couple births, and some uncomfortable family get-togethers, but all in all things went well.  As I look back at 2009, I’m pretty surprised that I even made it through.  As I have said before, it is probably one of the toughest years of my life.  It’s always been said, that “what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger”.  I believe in this, and am living proof.  These tough times, while they have pushed Jess and I away from family, and friends, has only made the relationship between the 2 of us stronger.  I just hope those close to us, realize, that we will not be like this forever.  Our pain will go away.  This might sound selfish, but right now we need to focus on ourselves, and each other.  We love each and every one of you and would do anything for all of you.  The healing process has already begun, and we are moving forward into the New Year. 

When you think about Jan 1, resolutions come to mind.  This new year I am taking time to reflect on the blessings of the past year, and also taking time to look ahead at the year to come. It’s sort of like a rebirth that allows me to let things go and start over just as a new year starts.  It is time to move on!  My resolutions are to let go of the pain, frustration, and sadness.  Rebuild relationships with those closest to us.  Become normal again!! 

The new year is also going to quickly remind us of  our desire to become parents.  Things are going to start moving quickly.  Our Docs are planning another cycle for the end of February.  This one will, however, have an alternate route.  In the event that the “Hail Mary” pass that Clomid has thrown, is not caught, Donor Sperm will hopefully pick up the ball and score.  We have finally come to the resolve that these are our family building options, and Donor Sperm is most likely the path we will end up on.  For a while, I was just ok with this.  I pushed it to the side and pretended I was much happier than I actually was about it.  I kept thinking that Donor Sperm was a “backup”, when in all reality, this has always been the path we were meant to take, the path that was chosen for us.  With the reality of the situation, and the last year to reflect on, I have embraced this path and planned my route accordingly.  There is nothing either of us can do to change the circumstances.  We have to play the cards dealt to us.  All I know is that I will never regret anything the last year has brought us.  The failed sperm retrievals, surgery, OHSS, jabbing Jess needlessly with sharp objects, me being completely wacky on Clomid.  I would never want to look back and think, what if?

I wish everyone a Happy New Year, and hope you all get everything you desire in 2010!  Oh, and I almost forgot, babies for everyone in 2010!!

I’m gonna start out with a big FML!!!!! (google it if you don’t know what it means)

Today was the first day of our infertility counseling, and guess who never made it there. Yep, I went to the wrong office.  Not only did I go to the wrong office, I just now found out I was only 10 minutes away from the other office.  My hi-tech, super duper iPhone lied to me and said it would be 38min with traffic.  Great Husband I am,  I made my wife go to our first counseling session alone.   Sorry Sweetheart!! 

I’m not really sure how we got our signals crossed with the location, but I’m guessing it’s because both towns start with the letter P (That’s my excuse, and I’m sticking with it!!  Stupidity, and not paying attention to details, was never a factor!!)  Anyway, Jess got to do it alone. I’m waiting for her to get home to let me know how it was.  Hopefully I can make to the right office next Monday!!

With the holiday season starting tomorrow, and then the month long dash to the new year, comes tough times for anyone dealing with infertility. I got my first reminder/warning of this yesterday.  With the holidays, comes family gatherings.  With family gatherings comes the inevitable inappropriate comments, dumb questions, and the ever so uplifting, perfectly timed, baby announcement.   

I received the warning last night from my mom.  She called to confirm the time for our Thanksgiving get together, as well let me know who was coming, and what I should bring.  Before the conversation was over,  I got the “OH, by the way, I just wanted to warn you, so and so are going to be announcing that they are pregnant, again!“.  Now, I was ready for the “when are you two gonna have some rug-rats of your own questions, but this one blind-sighted me.  It’s not that I am not happy for them, because I am.  They are wonderful parents with great kids, who are absolutely blessed with having another one.  They deserve to be able to announce the gift that was given to them and recieve the congratulations of the family.  I just wish I didn’t have to be there to hear it.  Is that wrong of me?  Am I a terrible person?  I can’t answer those questions, but I know how I feel, and I guarantee an early exit from tomorrow’s festivities.  

 I’m hoping the announcement comes after dinner, because it would be a real shame to miss out on gorging myself with dead poultry, and heavenly spoonfuls of mash potatoes and gravy!  God I Love Turkey!!!!!!!!!!

The following, is crash course for anyone who will be around couples suffering from infertility during this holiday season.  I got this this list of do’s and dont’s from the Resolve website and it was written by Diane Clapp, BSN, RN and Merle Bombardieri, LICSW.  

The Do’s and Dont’s of Support

Don’t Try to minimize the problem by saying, “Don’t worry. At least you have each other and don’t have cancer.”

Do Listen to what the couple has to say about their experience and express empathy for their difficulties.

Don’t Tell a couple who has had a miscarriage that it wasn’t meant to be or that you know that they will be pregnant again soon and it will work the next time.

Do Realize that the couple has just lost a specific potential child who will never come again, no matter how wonderful the next pregnancy may be. Acknowledge how sad they must feel. Use the words “loss and sorrow”; don’t be afraid to use the words that probably describe how the couple must feel.

Don’t Give medical advice or doctor referrals without being asked or hearing the couple say they are looking for new information or referrals.

Do Let the couple know that you’ll be happy to listen to any details they want to share with you and that you would like to offer support during any procedures by a phone call or by offering to go with them to a medical appointment.

Don’t Assume that new medical breakthroughs you read about in the paper will solve the couple’s problems. The breakthrough announced by the news media may be irrelevant and if it is relevant, chances are the couple has seen the article and their medical team is knowledgeable about it.

Do Ask the couple if there are any books or articles that you could read to understand what they are going through medically.

Don’t Expect the couple to act happy about attending baby showers, christenings and other family events that feature pregnant women and new babies.

Do Give them plenty of opportunity to decide whether to attend an event or whether to come late or leave early. They will not feel the need to avoid babies forever, but less contact right now may be a necessary part of their healing process.

Don’t Start a discussion about infertility without paying attention to timing and to the couple’s openness.

Do Choose a time when the couple’s privacy is assured and ask the couple if they would like to talk. Couples experiencing infertility often feel out of control. Your letting them choose whether and when to talk about it gives them back some control.

Don’t Assume that it is fine if you talk to your son’s wife or your daughter’s husband about their situation.

Do Respect the privacy needs of each individual and do not assume that they both want to talk about it with you.

Don’t Offer unsolicited stories about others who have been successful at treatment or adoption. DO Tell them if they are ever interested you could put them in touch with a couple willing to talk about their infertility experience or adoption process. Let them decide whether they want to pursue that information. As a parent, family member, or friend, you want to make it better for the couple, to take away the pain. But probably the greatest gift you can give your loved one or friend is to be a listener, a sounding board. Instead of erasing the pain, you can diminish it by your caring. One of the hardest questions to ask someone is, “How can I help you?” It is such a difficult question because you should be prepared for their answer and not the answer that you think they will say or should say. To ask that question and to trust the response that you hear is a powerful step in your efforts to help the couple struggling with this kind of crisis.