Jan 28 2009

Are you sure there wasn’t even one?!

This is the first of “hopefully” not too many entries.  I have to start out by saying I never thought that this would happen to me.  I figured that eventually things would come together and we would just have kids.  As time went on, I guess I realized something was not right.  I pushed off a statement by a urologist that was said many years ago to me when I had an infection of the prostate.  He realized something might be abnormal but said that I shouldn’t worry and there was no need to look further into it unless my wife (at that time, it was my girlfriend) was unable to get pregnant.  

I took my step into the fertility world on Monday 1/26/09.  I was provided with a sterile cup and told to do work.  I did the duty, dropped it off and tried to forget about it until the results came.  This brings us to today.

I knew something was wrong as soon as I got back into the house from a little potty stroll with Keena (that’s my dog by the way!).  Jess (my wife) was on the couch crying.  I knew she had called the doctor on the way out so I had an idea of what was wrong.  I was a little taken back when she said there was no sign whatsoever of any sperm in the semenalysis. 

I’m unsure of how to feel.  I keep running it through my head, and the only thing I could think of is that maybe someone made a mistake at the lab.  I know it sounds silly, and it’s probably not true, but how do you handle someone telling you that one of the main things that make a man, a man is not present in you.

7 Responses to “Are you sure there wasn’t even one?!”

  • lorza Says:

    omph. It hits you right in the gut huh? I am so sorry are having to go through this- IT SUCKS. I am glad you are out here in the blogosphere and will have support to help you through this. As you know-there are not a plethora on men out there blogging about their journey- your perspective is going to be valuable. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us.

    Thank you for the comment on my blog for the ICLW- I hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings. 🙂

    I know that when my DH got his news of the Zero sperm (he has retrograde ejactulation/ yet azoospermia in what does make it out), it was like he was skewered through his self of identity. He thought I would leave him- that I would see him as less of a man.

    I didn’t and won’t and I don’t. I don’t fault him for his physical limitations any more than I do. It just is what it is. I yam what I yam. 😉

    He too thought that they made a mistake. He demanded another test, at a different REs office. Same result. ugh.

    I look forward to following your journey! Good luck.

  • Kymberli Says:

    Lorza sent me over, and I’m glad that she did. Though I wish you didn’t have to be here in IF-land at all, I’m glad that you’ve found this niche in which to get support and write out your feelings. I’m looking forward to following along.

  • Celeste Says:

    I know right no one ever thinks it would happened to them. But I felt it my heart something was wrong. grrrrr…and i just found out an keep asking myself why me. I have accepted it because I have to but I hate it i hate it I hate it so much…..anyway….nice start. Yes writing about it defintley helps. I am doing a video blog about my experience youtube.com/viciere. I know I cant believe I am doing it either lol

  • FoxyPopcorn Says:

    Kenny, I just found your blog – read the first and last post and am looking forward to reading the rest. Congratulations on your recent news. I can only imagine that you and your love are overcome with joy (even considering the hurdles that continue to jump in your way.) My husband and I got the Azoos diagnosis last summer and our world shattered around us. Its been a challenging journey to say the least. The test, the doctors, the procedures, the waiting, the fear, the love, all of it. We’ve been very private about our experiences, but I just started my own blog, because I need a community who understands what this is like. And I need to find my voice so that I can share this journey, on my terms, with those around me. Thank you for sharing your story. It reflects our in so many ways, and so many of the emotions and experiences you describe match ours to a T. and thank you for putting words to this experience- so many things you say are things I feel, but just haven’t found the words to describe. Wishing you and your love the best as you move forward.

    Kenny Reply:

    @FoxyPopcorn, Thank you for your support! The best thing I ever did was to start this blog and release my feelings. There is a huge support group out here on the blogs as well as twitter. I will be following your journey and pulling for you as well!!

  • Jess Says:

    It is one of the hardest and most painful things in the world to hear. We were diagnosed azoo on 2/4/08, then a testicular biopsy on 5/6/08 confirmed it: My husband doesn’t even have one. We finally came to terms with it and decided to go forward with donor sperm….I never would have thought we’d go down that path if someone told me that 3 years ago. But we did and we now have our beautiful daughter thanks to donor sperm 🙂

    ICLW

  • Amy Says:

    Hello there!

    My name is Amy Taylor and I am in the research stage of putting together a documentary on infertility. I have a particular interest in male factor infertility as more and more research shows that male infertility is increasing in the modern world and scientists the world over do not have a great understanding as to why this is happening. Yes … diet, lifestyle, environment … but perhaps something even more is responsible for the sperm decline we have seen over the last fifty years. Whatever the case I am eager to meet people who have struggled with infertility and are willing to talk about it. My hope is to find people who are willing to share their stories so that we can shine a light on this under-researched and under-discussed topic.

    I saw from your blog that your family has had to deal with male factor infertility and I thought your story was very interesting. I believe that a documentary on the topic of male factor infertility could be an effective tool to raise awareness about this important subject. My plan is to interview embryologists, andrologists, reproductive endocrinologists and all manner of experts (!) to teach the public about this complicated issue. However, more important than the doctors are the patients.

    Only by hearing the story of the patients can the bigger story of the problem have meaning for an audience ….

    Let me know if you would be willing to talk to me about your journey and your experience.

    All the best,

    Amy
    infertilitydocumentary1@gmail.com

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