Are you sure there wasn’t even one?!
This is the first of “hopefully” not too many entries. I have to start out by saying I never thought that this would happen to me. I figured that eventually things would come together and we would just have kids. As time went on, I guess I realized something was not right. I pushed off a statement by a urologist that was said many years ago to me when I had an infection of the prostate. He realized something might be abnormal but said that I shouldn’t worry and there was no need to look further into it unless my wife (at that time, it was my girlfriend) was unable to get pregnant.
I took my step into the fertility world on Monday 1/26/09. I was provided with a sterile cup and told to do work. I did the duty, dropped it off and tried to forget about it until the results came. This brings us to today.
I knew something was wrong as soon as I got back into the house from a little potty stroll with Keena (that’s my dog by the way!). Jess (my wife) was on the couch crying. I knew she had called the doctor on the way out so I had an idea of what was wrong. I was a little taken back when she said there was no sign whatsoever of any sperm in the semenalysis.
I’m unsure of how to feel. I keep running it through my head, and the only thing I could think of is that maybe someone made a mistake at the lab. I know it sounds silly, and it’s probably not true, but how do you handle someone telling you that one of the main things that make a man, a man is not present in you.
August 21st, 2009 at 3:36 pm
omph. It hits you right in the gut huh? I am so sorry are having to go through this- IT SUCKS. I am glad you are out here in the blogosphere and will have support to help you through this. As you know-there are not a plethora on men out there blogging about their journey- your perspective is going to be valuable. Thank you for opening up and sharing with us.
Thank you for the comment on my blog for the ICLW- I hope you enjoy my crazy ramblings.
I know that when my DH got his news of the Zero sperm (he has retrograde ejactulation/ yet azoospermia in what does make it out), it was like he was skewered through his self of identity. He thought I would leave him- that I would see him as less of a man.
I didn’t and won’t and I don’t. I don’t fault him for his physical limitations any more than I do. It just is what it is. I yam what I yam.
He too thought that they made a mistake. He demanded another test, at a different REs office. Same result. ugh.
I look forward to following your journey! Good luck.
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August 22nd, 2009 at 6:13 am
Lorza sent me over, and I’m glad that she did. Though I wish you didn’t have to be here in IF-land at all, I’m glad that you’ve found this niche in which to get support and write out your feelings. I’m looking forward to following along.
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February 18th, 2010 at 10:00 pm
I know right no one ever thinks it would happened to them. But I felt it my heart something was wrong. grrrrr…and i just found out an keep asking myself why me. I have accepted it because I have to but I hate it i hate it I hate it so much…..anyway….nice start. Yes writing about it defintley helps. I am doing a video blog about my experience youtube.com/viciere. I know I cant believe I am doing it either lol
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May 15th, 2010 at 7:18 pm
Kenny, I just found your blog – read the first and last post and am looking forward to reading the rest. Congratulations on your recent news. I can only imagine that you and your love are overcome with joy (even considering the hurdles that continue to jump in your way.) My husband and I got the Azoos diagnosis last summer and our world shattered around us. Its been a challenging journey to say the least. The test, the doctors, the procedures, the waiting, the fear, the love, all of it. We’ve been very private about our experiences, but I just started my own blog, because I need a community who understands what this is like. And I need to find my voice so that I can share this journey, on my terms, with those around me. Thank you for sharing your story. It reflects our in so many ways, and so many of the emotions and experiences you describe match ours to a T. and thank you for putting words to this experience- so many things you say are things I feel, but just haven’t found the words to describe. Wishing you and your love the best as you move forward.
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Kenny Reply:
May 17th, 2010 at 12:49 pm
@FoxyPopcorn, Thank you for your support! The best thing I ever did was to start this blog and release my feelings. There is a huge support group out here on the blogs as well as twitter. I will be following your journey and pulling for you as well!!
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September 22nd, 2010 at 8:07 pm
It is one of the hardest and most painful things in the world to hear. We were diagnosed azoo on 2/4/08, then a testicular biopsy on 5/6/08 confirmed it: My husband doesn’t even have one. We finally came to terms with it and decided to go forward with donor sperm….I never would have thought we’d go down that path if someone told me that 3 years ago. But we did and we now have our beautiful daughter thanks to donor sperm
ICLW
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